first time, last time

last time i felt like this was in 2007 when i actually had a nervous breakdown.

This is the first time i could put staples through my hand and feel nothing.

Except sorrow and guilt for trying to hurt myself again.

But im still here, and i dont want to be. I want to escape, run away, walk out and never look back. I dont knw why im holding on anymore. I dont even know how.

Insanity should be the decree at birth for it is the only complete truth..